Relationship Affects: For better or worse

 

Going through an infertility journey is a true test to any relationship. The support, love and understanding towards each other never comes at a better time than through this journey.   

There was a lot of tension created on my own relationship with my husband. The arguing, misunderstandings, not feeling like we were in the same boat. Sex became something of a chore! I actually got to a stage where I just couldn’t be bothered having sex anymore, so we had to take a month here and there off just to take a break. Having everything timed and not spontaneous takes a little spice out of your relationship. Then there were some months my partner would face performance anxiety during ovulation time. This is understandable however was definitely difficult to hide my frustrations. I had to make sure that he wouldn't know when I was ovulating, which was only effective some months.

Over time we have worked through our differences and this journey has only brought us closer together. We both know that if this ever does happen for us we are going to be even more grateful and appreciative at every little stage of pregnancy. I still remember our very first appointment at the specialist clinic, as we were walking out I was pretty much in tears. My husband just knew all the right things to say and managed to even make me laugh, at this point I knew I was with the right person in this journey. In fact now we try to make the most of life with no kids, the ease of travelling, watching movies with no disturbances, splashing out on a few fancy dinners here and there, spending quality time together and I seriously do love my sleep ins! We also have our own personal joke, every time we see a pregnant woman in a movie or in real-life, we just look at each other and say “rub it in”. With my husband being a dog lover we are now in discussions of whether we should get a dog to add to our family.

My husband is an optimist, he’s been the one reminding me to keep positive during this journey. He would say, "I know it’s tough but you can’t let this take over your life". I used to get angry at him as I felt he didn’t understand my sadness and frustrations. Me being the only one having multiple blood tests and doctor appointments. While I was going through all this, he only had to deposit one pleasurable specimen and never understood why I was so “moody” all the time. I also had to make sure he'd stop doing things known to reduce sperm count such as cycling and having his laptop on his groin area. Telling a guy to do one thing is hard, telling a guy not to do something is even harder!! I even got frustrated at the fact that I would be the one doing all the research and getting us to try new teas or new vitamins. I felt that if he really wanted this baby as much as me he would be doing the same. I guess he sees it in a different way, we are healthy people, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Whatever pain we go through, they hate seeing us go through it, they may feel useless not knowing what to do to make you feel better, but it’s important to open up to each other and also give space to each other when needed.  

We can’t forget that men go through this emotionally as well. There are men that have fertility problems and go through the same emotions and issues. The most important advice I've gathered from all this is to really understand what emotions your other half is feeling and not ignore them. There is a deeper meaning as to why they are feeling the way they are feeling. Be supportive. Listen. Enjoy the time you have time together. Work together to come up with your next plan. If you're in a relationship, it's a joint journey.

©2020 edj

©2020 edj