Explaining the Unexplained

While there were couples getting pregnant every day with no issues, my husband and I were trying to figure out ways to get on this flight to parenthood. Generally there would be a known cause for infertility- excessive drinking, smoking, drug use, obesity, anorexia, hormonal imbalances, anatomy issues, certain medical conditions and the list goes on. So how is that a healthy couple in their 30s who don't fit into any of this criteria can't conceive and for others it's so easy. I was taking folic acid regularly and monitoring my ovulation via two fertility apps and a Maybe Baby ovulation test kit brought from a pharmacy. I was given ample advice on so many different levels, specialists saying to continue with a good healthy lifestyle, friends telling me to try natural remedies and treatments but the advice I hated the most was “don’t stress it will happen”. What if it never happens? What if I never get closure as to why we are unable to conceive?

Stress wasn’t an issue for me until the “unexplained infertility” diagnosis. The Doctor explained the possibility of endometriosis  and suggested I have a laparoscopy (a keyhole operation to examine the pelvic area) to confirm this. My periods are a regular 32 day cycle, always on time with slight cramps, back ache and bloating. Personally I didn't feel my periods were anything unusual or debilitating so I decided against a laparoscopy. Endometriosis, which until the last decade wasn't a massive topic for discussion regarding infertility, is now more commonly diagnosed and information is more widely available. This disorder involves tissue that normally lines the uterus to grow outside of it causing pain, menstruation irregularities and painful sex just to name a few. With this said, I have heard of many women who still manage to fall pregnant with the condition. So even if I do have a mild case of endometriosis this was another reason I chose to not have an operation- pregnancy is still possible.

As part of the tests I had to have an HSG scan and an intra-vaginal scan. These procedures are to see if there are any blocks in the fallopian tubes, and to outline the internal shape of the uterus. The only questionable comment the radiologist made  was that I have an anteverted uterus but according to her this is quite common and not a reason to not get pregnant, in fact her words to me before I left the clinic were "You have a beautiful uterus”.

When you get told nothing is wrong you start thinking there has to be something wrong, something more definitive. Every random uterine pain I would over think it to be something serious- is this normal? Could it be endometrial pain?  Maybe the sperm can't find its way in my anteverted uterus. I really wanted to invent some sort of microscope where I can just look directly inside my uterus to see what the hell goes on in there after sex.

With a less than 20% success rate we decided to give Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI) a go. Of course insurance is not going to pay for anything that involves the "F" word so we had to prepare ourselves to pay around $1.8k per session. It was a gamble! We basically put our money on the table in the hopes of winning the jackpot.  This process involved me going for daily blood tests before 8am every day from day 7 of my cycle until the hormone levels were high enough to indicate ovulation. Additionally, I had to take a tablet called Clomiphene to stimulate the ovaries and in one session I paid $195 for an injection to stimulate the ovaries. When the hormones were in the right range I went in for an ultra sound scan to see if the follicles were big enough to form an egg. Each IUI session was so positive!- I had two mature follicles, Oestrogen levels were in optimum range and sperm motility and count were well above average. In  each session the doctor advised that due to me having many follicles there's a chance it could lead to a multiple pregnancy and due to the risks involved I may not be allowed to go through with the session. Here I am thinking, we are struggling to conceive just one child I will happily give birth to three babies if that’s what it takes.

The IUI sessions were extremely stressful as you are required to drop everything at a moment's notice. One of the many challenges being that we wanted to keep our fertility issues private so explaining to the boss that you all of a sudden need to leave work can be an issue....and very intrusive if you have an inquisitive boss! As soon as the nurse called to inform us that the levels are right, it would be a mad dash to get sperm deposited (not easy under pressure!!) and delivered to the clinic before it dies. I would drive to the clinic in a hurry with my husband holding his container of sperm wrapped in a jacket and under his arm trying to keep it at body temp!! When the sperm was washed and the best sperm separated, I would go back to the clinic for artificial insemination (a long tube prodded inside me and sperm released).

The 1st IUI session was exciting, we thought it might be the answer to us getting pregnant....but no luck!

The second, and our last session was incredibly stressful. The day worked out like this:

- Finding cover and leaving work suddenly to get to an urgent scan in the morning. This was to check how many follicles I had as my Oestrogen levels were over 2000pg/mL, which is considered quite high

- My husband at work had to quickly ejaculate (till this day he won't tell me where he did it) and take the specimen to my work as he had no time to get to the clinic himself

- After the scan I rushed back to my work place to collect his specimen which he left in my office wrapped in his Kathmandu jacket, ensuring my colleague did not touch it in which she exchanged a weird a look.

- I collected the specimen and had to get to the clinic within an hour....in rush hour and trying to get through so many of Auckland's bloody traffic lights.  At this point I was crying my eyes out thinking I wasn't going to make it on time whilst cursing everyone on the road.

- I arrived at the clinic 15 minutes late

- The embryologist quickly took the specimen and then an hour later I had the IUI procedure

The clinic had actually closed at this point but they kindly stayed open to give us an opportunity .  After the session even the nurse said what a stressful day it was but everything had gone to plan. I was relieved and overwhelmed. I felt that someone was definitely watching over us that day. All we kept saying to ourselves was that the stress and the expenses will be worth it if it gives us a child.

 A week later I had to go in for another blood test to test progesterone, it had to be over 25ug/L to confirm ovulation, mine was over 100ug/L (very positive at this stage) . The week after I went for another blood test to check if I was pregnant. I was a nervous wreck waiting for that phone call, even though I knew there is such a low success rate, I held onto hope that we will be one of the lucky ones. When the phone finally rang and I heard the word "sorry"  it crushed me. Three IUI sessions were recommended by the Doctor, but I couldn't go through with the last on. The emotional toll took over me and I lost hope , confidence and a whole lot of money. I reached a very steep staircase. I was climbing and climbing determined to get to the top, but it was never ending. I was getting tired emotionally and physically. 

I also tried  three sessions of fertility massages and acupuncture on separate occasions.  After reading so many good reviews about both treatments I thought it was worth giving it a go. It was better for me to do something than nothing at all. Both therapists gave me so much hope as they claimed to have a high success rate of pregnancies but after months of treatments, and more money out of pocket, nothing. At every appointment they would brag about their success stories. I hated it! Their confidence to back their work was great but the success was obviously not for everyone. The fertility massages, I must add, were not the usual spa day relaxing rituals. It was a painful experience and I use to dread going to each weekly appointment. Acupuncture on the hand wasn't painful at all but it was also a weekly commitment for at least 3 months so works out to be quite expensive when you don't get the results you want. I'm happy that these natural remedies worked for so many trying couples.  I read a myriad of success stories with women trying to get pregnant for a long time or told they could never get pregnant due to conditions such as endometriosis and these treatments were their answers. For me, it was just another expensive plane ticket that took me nowhere but back to the terminal. 

©2020 edj