Social Distancing and the Unused Onsie

I've been sent a multitude of newborn photos from friends hours after birth, received numerous invitations to baby showers, gender reveals and kids birthday parties. I've Seen loads of Social media posts about pregnancy announcements, baby show events, coffee groups for mothers, the list went on and so did the fire inside me. I picked and choose which events I'd go to, and the ones I did go to I would put on a brave face making sure to hide those bags of emotions. One day I went baby shower shopping for a friend and I saw a onsie which said "I Love my Granddad". I'm not one to jinx things but instantly I thought to myself this would be the best surprise for dad when we announce our future pregnancy, and also it was 50% off. I planned to give it on his Bday or Father's day, I would've come up with some occasion to give it to him but that onesie is sadly still stored away, unused.

 It gets to a stage in life where conversation topics in our friendship circles go from weddings and then eventually kids. I felt like an outcast during these conversations. It was ok when it was spoken about for a while, but it always took over the whole catch up. It's insensitive when not everyone can be included in a conversation but then again why not when it’s a topic relatable to most. Hanging out individually with one friend and their child was the same, the conversation was mostly about the child and every time the child did something during our conversations the main focus turned to the child. It was easier for me to just avoid hanging out with all friends with children. Sometimes when they were trying to control their screaming kids I would think, god that sounds awful, maybe this is a sign, is this really what I want? but at the back of mind I knew deep down, it is.

There are things you don’t say to a pregnant woman and there are things you don’t say to a non-pregnant woman.  “I hate pregnancy”, “Wait as long as you can to have kids” “I’m pregnant again, it’s already hard enough with one”, "Just wait till you have kids", You don't have children, you won't understand", these are just a few of the comments made by friends that would affect me. I want to go through all these experiences, I want to feel the morning sickness, experience the highs and lows of pregnancy and now that we are ready to have kids, I certainly don’t want to wait.

People have every right to express their own opinion and ask questions but the only way I managed to cope with this was to stay off social media and to stop social interaction, I was self-isolating well before the COVID-19 pandemic!!  What I did find later was that when I opened up about my issues to a few close friends, it was a lot easier than I thought. They were more understanding and more sensitive about our circumstance. Talking to friends can always be a good change for your mental health. It took me just over a year  staying in my isolation bubble to stop avoiding all areas baby related, to slowly start interacting with baby related events. It's still a little sore, but I have started feeling more confidence. Be strong!